Maniac questionnaire

October 29, 2005

Name: (The Rev.) Don Kienz

Maniac # 48

State you live in:

Borderline Nuts.

Pennsylvania.

How many marathons / ultra marathons have you run?

26 / 0 (that 0 is no accident), but once, after a marathon, I had to run back and forth a lot in the airport, so I was kind of wondering if we could have a third column.

How many have I run? Not a blessed one.

Got to mile 22 in Detroit though, thanks to J Ellis setting the right pace. Otherwise, its been “go out a bit too fast, run to exhaustion, then shuffle-jog-walk” just as fast as I can possibly limp those last 9 miles.

What was the first race you ever ran? (Any distance).

1^st, age 10, 8 kids, 1/4 mile around the block, organized the event myself. Had a brand-new stopwatch.

2^nd, age 20, a 10k in New Jersey.

3^rd, age 46, 5 miles, Central Park in New York City.

What was the first marathon you ever ran? What year did you run it? Did you have fun that day?

Jan. 2003, age 47, Disney.

Mickey wrapped the medal around my neck himself. I still get chills thinking about it. Afterward, walked like Tin Man for four days. Curbs were impossible.

Of course I loved it. All 5:42 of it. Ran through Cinderella’s Castle, high-fived Goofy, Donald Duck… even kissed Mary Poppins.

How long have you been a runner and why did you start running?

True story. August, 2001, to encourage teen-age sons to get fit like 46-year-old Dad, I jogged on the beach for 4 minutes straight. The next day, 4 minutes and 30 seconds. But it was New Year’s Eve when my golfing friend announced to me that we would run a marathon in 2002. I just laughed. But on the First of January, 2002, I made the first New Year’s resolution of my life that I ever truly kept: to get in better shape by aiming for that marathon.

Why did you decide to become a Maniac? Or what inspired you?

I hit the lotteries of both the Marine Corps and New York City Marathons in my first year of marathoning. They are held one week apart, so I decided to run MCM and postpone the following week’s NYC to the next year.

Some vendor at the Marine Corps Marathon Expo said to me, “nah, you can run tomorrow and New York next week-end.” 15 minutes later, another vendor said, “yeah, you can run tomorrow and New York next week-end.” Conclusion: vendors don’t read running books.

So I ran and finished the Marine Corps Marathon (fairly teary-eyed approaching the Iwo Jima Memorial), but with no leg muscles still functioning properly. On Friday evening, five days later, I went to the local track, jogged 5 miles, and went home with this silly grin on my face. My wife just sort of laughed.

Saturday morning, I drove to the NY Expo. There I found four separate people, also wearing Marine Corps Marathon T-shirts, also giggling with total uncertainty, convincing each other that anything around 6 hours would be a reeeeealllly good performance.

By mile 16, the “race” had become an enormous effort and strain. I pushed on, though, experiencing a physical struggle unlike any I had ever known. Then I did something unpleasant to my knee about mile 24, and hobbled to a 22-minute split for mile 25. Utterly exhausted, frustration and disappointment evolved into one last bit of determination, and I created a stiff-legged, swing-it-out-and-around limp-jog for a 13-minute mile 26, to the rolling cheers of hundreds still lining 57^th Street. I never felt more courageous in an athletic setting before.

After the finish, with a mylar blanket draped around my shoulders and a medal hanging around my neck, I stutter-stepped six blocks crosstown in mid-Manhattan to my car, and at least a half-dozen random New Yorkers went out of their busy, isolated way to do the unheard of in NY: address another person on the street. This uncommon friendliness in the City happened solely to congratulate me on completing the marathon. 5:28? No one knew, no one cared. In the encroaching darkness no less, they walked over to smile and congratulate me, each of these strangers, thereby lifting further the spirit of one already thrilled and satisfied.

And thus, Maniac #48 was born.

Of all the races out there in this world, which one would you most like to run?

Boston.

Then, London, Honolulu, anything in Switzerland, and The Great Wall when Mr. Yee goes back.

If you could run a marathon / ultra accompanied by anyone either living or deceased, who would you choose and why?

Two ideas. I am in enormous awe of the feats of the people in this club. So many have been inspiring: Olga, AnNie, Craig Holcomb, Chris, Tony, Steve, on and on. So I keep my eye out for yellow singlets.

Unfortunately, after 200, 300 yards, I’m usually seeing singlets disappearing in the distance. So, in a dream, I’d choose Jesus of Nazareth. Then, I’d just listen.

What was your most memorable marathon and why?

1) Disney. It’s just Fun. (… and there was that Mary Poppins moment).

2) Marine Corps Marathon, every time. Stand up and take your hat off for a minute. It starts and ends in Arlington National Cemetery, passes every Presidential Memorial and the Capitol Building, and finishes at the huge and sobering Iwo Jima Memorial. We live in freedom, and what did I ever do to secure that? So I spend four plus hours feeling deeply grateful. It’s a good feeling. It lasts, too.

3) New York. When you get to Manhattan at 16-18, and then again to Central Park for 23-26, there’s a million screamin’ people. It’s New York, it feels like the World Series, and you are a player on the field. That’s pretty cool.

If someone asked you to pick a race for him or her that they could run a PR at, which race would you suggest?

Oh Miami for certain.

Can’t understand why everybody doesn’t do it.

See, they have this choice thing set up. You can run a 26.2 mile marathon, or you can run a 13.1 marathon! Whew, cool! I really liked that…shoot, I think I’ll be running one of those sub-3 hour marathons next year down there…this has really improved my chances for Boston!

What was the furthest you’ve ever traveled for a race?

3000 miles from Philly to San Francisco, but I flew.

I’d nominate the 14 hour, 800 mile overnight drive from work in Philadelphia directly to Macon, Georgia to run a 7 a.m. marathon on 1 hour of roadside sleep.

Do any of your non-running friends or family members think that you’re crazy for running as much as you do? What are some of their comments to you?

Crazy I had nailed well before running. The running they interpret simply as a symptom.

Except this friend Emma, cause she’s a little crazy too. (Oh, sorry. She’s a runner.)

If personal obligations or finances were not an issue, how many marathons would you run in one year?

Zero. I’d go play golf again, at reeaalllly expensive golf courses. You ever been to TPC at Sawgrass? The 15^th tee alone is paradise.

Well, maybe six or eight. (Or 9 if Steve’s going to China. If I’ve got the money, I’ll even treat you to the plane ticket, Yee.)

From what race did you receive your favorite finishers medal?

True story. Context: I’ve entered 28 marathons, finished 26.

At the Self-Transcendence Marathon in August (I’m not a member of the spiritual mystics club that run it, but they were the calmest people…), I ran 12 miles and knew more miles that day would be dumb. Crossed 13.1, walked in, explained my adventure to this real nice medal lady, and asked her shyly if I could have a medal as a momento. She smiled one of those peaceful, happy smiles, congratulates me for finishing 13.1, and hands me a medal.

Restores your sense of hope, doesn’t it?

Where do you keep your finisher medals?

The chiropractor insists I need to remove them, but I’ve refused.

Do you wear your race t-shirts? What do you do with the ones you don’t wear?

About half of them. The rest? Christmas presents.

If you could put on a marathon anywhere in the world, where would you have it?

The Monterey Peninsula.

We’d run the golf courses: Poppy Hills, Pebble Beach, and the ultra-private Cypress Point. We’d be arrested, but we’d run it.

Maniac Yellow, or Maniac Black?

Maniac Caucasian.

What is your favorite pre race meal? Post race meal?

1) Pre-race: Less and less. Pasta for lunch; roll, salad, chocolate cake for dinner.

2) Post-race: More and more. Start with an ice cream appetizer. Add anything. Rinse with the finest Root Beer.

What is your energy gel of choice? Sport drink of choice?

1) Carb-Boom. Hard to find, easy to digest.

2) Propel. That Amino something or other isn’t bad either.

Which race would you never run again and why?

Oh my. True Story. I didn’t do it, but it is the right answer.

There was this ocean-worthy ship that sailed all the way to Antarctica with marathoners aboard, only to find out that the weather for the Antarctica Marathon was prohibitive. (Imagine the surprise.)

So, they ran around the deck of the ship for 26.2 miles.

Now, I didn’t actually do that first one, but some folks did, and if I HAD been one of them, I certainly wouldn’t do it again.

What was the most challenging race or combination of races you’ve ever done and why?

Simply THINKING about the Tahoe Triple. I still haven’t mentally gotten much past mile 10, day two.

Physically, I’m attempting 10 in 11 weeks, four done as of this writing. Week twelve, I’m taking a nap.

What is a typical training week like for you? How many miles do you run? Any cross training?

She’s trained me to do the dishes, clean the bathrooms, and do the ironing.

I sneak out and run though. Out of season, three 3 to 6 milers, one 6 to 9, one 10-13.1.

In season, I run a marathon, take two to five days off, and go easy 3 to 5’s until the next marathon.

Miles? Works out to 25-35 a week.

Cross training? I’m a minister, so yeah, I read the Bible, but it seems like a once and done deal.

Do you have a training partner? If so, who is it?

The Missus. She’s cute. We run in opposite directions around the track so I get to say Hi more often.

What kind of shoes do you train in? Do you race in a different shoe?

(You’re looking for advice? From me? Mister 4:28? )

What are your short-term running goals?

4 hours.

Shorter goal: keep getting out there. Each run is a victory itself.

What are your long-term running goals?

Boston.

No, really. 38 minutes to go (3:35).

Assuming you have time, what do you do for fun other than run marathons?

Golf.

And if you travel from the west coast to run the Philly Marathon with me on that November Sunday, we’ll go play on Saturday. dgkienz@yahoo.com.

Star Wars or Star Trek? Darth Vader or Captain Kirk?

Penny Lane. Who changed the question? Are the Beatles out of favor? How soon we forget.

Alright, your new question. Star Wars. But Vader vs. Kirk? I’d choose Leah.